


Making Compromises?

by DarkSeraphim



Category: Looking for Group
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 19:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSeraphim/pseuds/DarkSeraphim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cale utterly fails at scolding.  Richard is amused by the entire situation.  What was so wrong with taking a vacation every once and a while?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Compromises?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chokolatte (ChokolatteJedi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/gifts).



> I adore Richard so I hope I captured his character well. Hope you enjoy!!

If there was anything Richard hated (aside from annoying little red imps), it was uptight elves trying to make him feel guilty.  It never worked, as he made it a point to ignore and outright defy all authority he came across.  However, when Cale tried to do it…it was just funny.  He just looked so cute standing there, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.  His hair was even frizzy. 

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t give me that!  You know exactly what I’m talking about?”

 

Richard sighed.  He would have rolled his eyes…if he had any.  People often had trouble telling if he actually had eyeballs.  Whether he did or not, he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell.  (What were you looking at?  Well!  **fwoosh!)**

 

Unfortunately for the warlock that only seemed to irritate the blond elf standing in front of him, who was tapping his foot in a rather annoying manner.  Being who he was, Richard couldn’t help but fan the flames.  It wasn’t any fun otherwise.

 

“You know if you keep making that face it’s going to stay like that?  I think you should keep it.  It’s a good look on you.” 

 

So what if he got some joy at watching Cale flail about like a small child burning alive?  That actually sounded like a lot of fun.  He hadn’t actually roasted a toddler in ages and he was having a craving for babies again.  Wasn’t there a newly built orphanage a few blocks away?  There were quite a lot of orphans lately, and not all of them were his fault.  That rather depressed him.  But then again if he had been the cause there would be a lot less orphans, even though it was funny to watch them cry over the corpses of their parents. 

 

“You promised you would keep the bloodshed to a minimum!”  Cale shouted, his arms waving about in his frustration and anger.  He really did look like a small burning child.  His voice was even getting high pitched!  How delightful! 

 

When did he make that promise?  WHY would he make that promise?  Richard sighed.  Oh yeah, that’s right.  The stupid elf made him make that stupid promise when they started “sharing beds” or whatever euphemism the elf used.  Personally Richard sometimes found it insulting that Cale wouldn’t outright say what they were doing with one another.  But then again that would lead to quite a few questions that Richard didn’t feel like answering.  Why bother when setting them on fire was so much simpler?

 

The undead warlock sighed.  “And I did.  I only tore apart THREE people.”  He spoke slowly, enunciating each word carefully.  “The rest I burned to ashes.  Oh, except for the ones I froze into ice blocks.  There was also that family I force-fed flesh eating slugs.  I also ripped the eyes out of a few…do puppies count in this?”  He held up a bloody paw on a rope.  “By the way…Happy Birthday!”

 

He was rather disappointed by the groan of frustration instead of the cautious gratitude he usually received.  “You know, I had to go through at least ten puppies to find the perfect paw.  A thank you would be nice.”

 

“Richard!  The entire village is dead!  It was a massacre!”

 

Richard sighed in nostalgic remembrance.  It had been quite a lovely village when he had arrived.  Such a scenic little place, with gardens and plenty of children playing in the street.  They had greeted him so warmly with well wishes and how-do-you-do’s, even offering him a free night in the local inn.  It was the perfect tourist spot according to the brochures he had swiped from the merchants a few miles back. 

 

It had been the best vacation of the year.  His favorite part had been the makeshift cage he had constructed to just sit back and relax as he picked off the villagers one by one.  The stew at the local inn was indeed divine, even more so when he had added some eyeballs to the mix.

 

“Yes…and?”  He crossed his bloodied arms, giving Cale a look.  “You never asked me what I did on my vacation before.  Why start now?  I thought you were smarter than that.  I go on vacation, you don’t ask about it.  It’s a system that works.  Everybody’s happy.”

 

Cale glared.  “Your robes are covered in blood.  You at least had the decency to clean up before you came back before.”  He gestured to the absolute mess the warlock’s robes were in.  They were completely saturated in blood with bits of gore and flesh stuck to the mess.  He didn’t want to know why Richard was wearing a pair of ears as earrings either. 

 

Richard frowned.  “Decency?  That doesn’t sound like me.”  He didn’t even know the meaning of the word!  Okay, he did.  He wasn’t stupid.  He just decided to completely disregard the nicer words in his vocabulary.  “Since when am I decent?  Have you been drinking again?”

 

A groan and a face palm were the response he received.  Richard sighed, feeling a rather…disturbing, wriggling thing where he was sure his heart would have been.  “Alright, if it will make you feel better I’ll leave the new orphanage alone.  Do you have ANY idea how big of a commitment that is for me?  I haven’t had properly roasted baby in a long time Cale and my cravings are hard to deny!” 

Cale sighed in resignation.  It was as good as it was going to get.  “…Thank you.”

Smiling, the warlock pressed the bloodied paw in Cale’s hand, relishing the squirms of discomfort.  “Happy Birthday!”  And just for icing on the cake, he dipped the surprised elf and gave him a passionate kiss.  If he had an actual heart in his chest, he was sure that Cale’s flailing and struggling would send it pounding.  Without further ado he dropped the elf onto his behind, practically skipping as he left to add to the collection of teeth he had brought back with him.  And the bunny needed to be fed.

 

It was good to be him. 


End file.
